Hidup tak selamanya indah

Aye people. Hidup. Hidup di dunia hanya sementara. Hidup ini terlalu singkat untuk memikirkan masa lampau yang memeritkan. Life is a gift, full of surprises. Aku masih muda. Umur aku terlalu singkat untuk berbicara tentang kehidupan yang penuh dengan onak dan lara, masih muda remaja.

Pra-sekolah
SK Senaling, 2003

Zaman pra sekolah, zaman yang rasanya penuh dengan kenangan manis. I was a singer in a group, a lead singer to be specific. Pada masa itu, aku sangat comel sampai rasanya ramai peminat aku. Okay, maybe itu agak keterlaluan. Sorry. Tapi honestly, ada juga lah orang yang minat aku masa tu. Hehe.

     "Ei tak malu, dah lah kencing dalam seluar!"

     "Hahaha, balik rumah pakai towel je? Tak malu"

Aku ingat lagi masa aku pernah terkucil dalam seluar. I was 6 rasanya. At that time, aku balik pakai towel je. But still aku rasa comel masa tu. Deal with it. Aku habiskan masa pra-sekolah aku di Kuala Pilah, tempat aku menetap sekarang. Aku rindu zaman ni. Aku rindu kawan-kawan aku yang dulu. Aku rindu main di meja bulat ada lubang tengah-tengah. Aku rindu akak tukang masak tu. Aku rindu semua!

Sekolah rendah

SK BTHO, 2004-2007

Tempat baru, rumah baru, sekolah baru. Aku mulakan persekolahan peringkat rendah di Bandar Tun Hussein Onn, Cheras. Masa tu first time family aku pindah ke bandar. Aku dapat ramai kawan kat sana, semua friendly. Aku masuk kelas 1 Tanjung. Ada yang kata, kelas tu kelas last. Ada pulak kata kelas tu kelas first. Aku naik pusing. Darjah satu je, tak perlu nak fikir sangat. Naik darjah 2, aku masuk kelas 2 Kenanga. Most of the pupils are from 1 Tanjung. Tak banyak berubah. Cuma aku teringat satu hari ni, aku duduk ala-ala orang buat yoga sambil buat bunyi 'ohmmmmmmm'. Mata aku tertutup masa tu. At the time I open my eyes, mak aih, semua pandang aku macam 'wtf minah ni nak beryoga tengah-tengah kaki lima ni pehal'. Kawan aku gelak je. Malu sungguh! The next year aku masuk 3 Cempaka. Yep, every year aku tukar kelas. Nasib baik naik kelas. Still, the people were the same. Aku ingat lagi crush aku pada masa itu. 3 orang kot! Gatal rupanya aku ni. And in that year, aku masuk pertandingan pakaian apa tah. Yang aku ingat, aku jadi nenek kebayan. Fuhh! Datang sekolah je semua orang pandang. Malu lah juga masa tu. Aku masuk sampai second round je kot. Then I got disqualified. Oh and hari tu juga bola tendangan classmate aku yang masuk pertandingan tu juga terkena tepat di dahiku. Aduh! And semua orang ingat aku nangis masa tu sebab tak dapat masuk final. Hello! Aku nangis sebab kena bola tu la! Sakit tau. 2007, darjah 4, kelas 4 Bakawali. Tahun ni, matang sikit. Hehe. Sikit je. Aku masuk choir. Masa tu aku ingat lagi, nyanyi lagu 'I Have A Dream'. Suara aku masa itu? Perghhh, mengalahkan Jacklyn Victor! Tak ada la. Gurau je. Tahun tu, aku sekolah kat sana sampai bulan Ogos je, then pindah.

SK PP9(2), 2007-2009

Putrajaya. Aku rindu tempat ni. I first masuk sekolah bulan September. Masuk je kelas, I was kinda shocked. Semua bertudung! Except for me and another girl, Julia. Mulalah aku bermonolog, 'Haishh, ni tak boleh jadi. Tahun depan kena pakai juga, kalau tak malu la!' And the next year memang aku bertudung, di sekolah sahaja la. Took my UPSR there and got 5A's. Alhamdulillah.

Present days

Aku, yang kini baru setahun jagung, tidak punyai banyak pengalaman untuk berbicara tentang hidup yang akan ku rentangi di masa akan datang. I've got friends who care and a nice life. But I've got to remember, hidup tak selamanya indah. Ada kalanya, kita perlu menitiskan air mata. Ada kalanya, kita perlu melepaskan segala yang terpendam sekian lama. Aku hidup untuk belajar, mencari ilmu untuk mengharungi masa depan yang entah bagaimana warnanya.

Millions centimeters away

Last Wednesday, which is last Wednesday, I went to KFC with Fakhira. Plan actual nak pergi KFC then pergi karaoke. But then, ramai tak boleh pergi so me, Fakhira and Sabrina were supposed to go there, only three of us. So as we were walking to have our lunch treats, something happened. Sab tak jadi ikut and I was all like QWERTYUIOP!@#$%^&*(). So I went there with Fakhira, only two of us. Daripada almost 10 persons yang sepatutnya pergi dengan kitaorang, at last tinggal two persons je. What a sad life. Oh and lupa pula, Ain had to walk home so she decides to come with us, but only half way je.

Finally, after walking thousands of centimeters away, we arrive at the KFC. The smell of chicken really making us even more hungry than we actually are. With the power of my hands, I reach the door and pulled it with all my strength to get in the restaurant. For God's sake, the air-cond in that place had dried all my sweats. I just love air-conds. We lined up and discussed what to eat.

   

"Dude, kau nak order apa?"
"Aku nak seksi (Set C)"
       "Kau nak ape?"
       "Seksiiii"
       "Hahahaha"
And aku rasa sangat bodoh masa ingat Fakhira cakap dia nak seksi. Pfft.

Lepas order lunch, we climbed the stairs. Tengah syok duk gelak-gelak suddenly we saw budak kelas sebelah. Aku dengan Fakhira senyum je lah. We searched for a place, found one next to the window. Disebabkan kelaparan yang amat sangat, dengan penuh ketidaksabaran, aku makan dengan gelojoh. Almost tercekik. I ate Famous Bowl, Fakhira makan Seksi. We didn't talk much masa makan. Just discussing random things that came into our minds. Aku melemparkan pandangan ke kanan. Hujan sudah mulai turun, sesuai pula dengan lagu yang aku dengar dalam restoran ni, 'Di Saat Aku Mencintaimu'.
     "Aku inginkan dirimu, datang dan temui aku"
     "Amboi. Jiwangnye?"
     "Tetiba sesuai pulak dengan hujan ni", aku dengan Fakhira gelak sampai rasanya timbul 6-pack.

After eating our delicious lunch, we talked for a while. And aku rasa we took about half an hour just to decide where shall we go next. Lepas gaduh and buat cerita lepas ni nak pergi mana, at last sampai juga kata sepakat, pergi rumah Sab. So again, we walked through billions of millimeters. And so again, I get all sweaty. We finally reaches the destination. We prayed and start telling stories. I wont tell you what we talked about, it's quite of private. Oh well, what I can do? I don't want her to get into troubles, again. Aku dengan Fakhira masuk ikut bilik belakang. Bukan nak senyap-senyap or what, just malu nak masuk ikut pintu depan. Nak buat macam mana. So macam Minah jumpa Tipah then terserempak dengan Joyah, we chatted. Lama lah jugak. Sambil chatting dengan minah-minah tu, aku ada juga selca. Mentang-mentang phone ada camera. Tengah duk syok aku ber-selca, lensa kamera aku yang tak berapa cantik tu spotted something.
     "Kau tahu tu apa?"
     "Telaga la, apa lagi"
     "Salah!"
     "Habis tu?"
     "Tangki najis lah!", and then again, we laughed.

We talked sampailah aku rasa kering air liur dibuatnya. Around 4.30 p.m, we walked to the bus stop depan kedai Sab. At first aku ingat nak tunggu je Abah kat situ. Then suddenly Fakhira cakap dia tunggu Ayah dia kat MARA. So aku jalanlah dengan dia sampai ke MARA. Penat tahu tak?! Masa on the way ke MARA, aku ada call Mama. Mama kata Abah nak balik awal, so nanti Abah ambil di bus stop tadi. And pada saat itu aku rasa memang menyesal jalan ke MARA balik. Jauh! Tak apa lah. Bukan rezeki aku. Lagipun aku boleh juga burn calories, kan? Around, 5.20 p.m Abah sampai kat MARA. Fuhh, lega dapat pekena air-cond. Sesampainya aku di rumah, orang yang-kerja-dorang-bunuh-anai-anai tak habis kerja lagi. Mama tak masak, Amir pula tak habis-habis nak makan KFC. That day juga, pergi lagi makan KFC. Buat penat je aku burn calories tadi, dah naik balik. Hmm, it's okay. At least dapat makan free. After that we went home back to our routine.

Belakang rumah Shabshob. I'm so cute :')

You

Pejam celik pejam celik, dah sebulan aku couple dengan dia. Nothing much happened, just dramas behind these laugh I had these days. I don't feel like writing in full English in this entry, might be rojak with bahasa.

It all started masa Zaty kenalkan aku dengan dia. I have a boyfriend at that time. So I told Zaty that kalau nak berkenalan aku okay je. So she gave my phone number to him. At first lah kan, it is quite awkward bila texting dengan kawan baru. It's something that I never experienced before. It started with a simple hi. He said he wanted to befriend with me. Since that day, tiap-tiap masa mesti texting je. Lama jugak aku tunggu sampai dia confess that he likes me. 9th April 2012, 9.31 p.m. The exact date and time we started to become a couple.

During this one month period, tons of dramas happened. Kalau nak diikutkan, one month ni actually a very short period. Selalu juga aku bermonolog sendiri. Orang lain dah survive sampai bertahun-tahun, kau baru sebulan. Hmm, itulah one of the contoh monolog yang aku reka sendiri dalam alam fantasi aku. Actually, bukan mudah untuk survive dalam satu-satu relationship. Kalau kedua-dua orang dalam relationship tu understanding, tak pernah miscommunication and sincerely love each other, of course la relationship mereka kekal lama, or maybe sampai ke jinjang pelamin. But for those who yang banyak masalah dalam tempoh relationship dorang, that relationship they had may not kekal lama, like mine lah kan.

To be honest, aku cemburu bila lihat pasangan yang boleh kekalkan relationship dorang for years. The simplest and the closest example is Zaty. She had a relationship with this one boy for more than 2 years. Seriously memang aku jealous. But aku kena fikir, ada hikmah disebalik setiap apa yang berlaku ke atas aku. Maybe it all happened because Tuhan nak tunjukkan aku something, something yang tersurat dan tersirat.

Oh well, time is rolling and there's no time to wait..or waste. Toodles.

Don't let me fall

I woke up this morning with a big smile on my face. I misses last night already. Oh, how I wish I could talk to you everyday. So what actually happened?

  "So tell me, do you have a boyfriend?"

  "No."

  "You lied."

  "I had one, but we broke up."

So he texted me last night. We texted and texted and texted. I guess I fell in love, again. I moved on. It's not that I don't love him, but loving someone that doesn't seem to be giving shit for me wastes my time. It's like I'd never fall in love. He's different. A complete different person compared to other guys.Tell me how could I resist him. He's adorable, cute, sensitive..much more. Well then I guess I'd fall in love with this guy.

It's been a while since I got to smile again. I cried too much these days, fighting for our relationship that ended up parting us. Ex, I don't hate you. Give me some time, the scars you had in my heart will heal.

Raindrops

So here it goes.

"Roses are red, violets are blue. Sugar is sweet, and so are you".

Have you ever wondered how you feel when you fall to someone? Your heart thumps and you can't get your eyes of that someone, easy as it is. I remember the first time I confessed to a boy about my feelings for him. Embarrassed, that's how I feel.

Today, I lost my love. For three months we've been fighting, but in the end we lose. It's okay, my love, I'll be waiting for you if we're meant to be.

So I was tweeting, keeping myself busy by reading the timeline. I saw some couples on the timeline. And I started to say to myself, why am I making this life hard? Just then I realize that I had waste too much time, for love life. I waste too much tears for worthless guys I met. But time will heal the scars I had all along, soon. And then I went out, just to fill the time I have. Once again, I see those happy couples. I hurts so much knowing that you're no longer mine, love. And all that's left are only sadness, loneliness and pain.

I've been dreaming a lot these days. Dreaming for a perfect life, love life. Realizing that I'm still a fresh adolescence, I stopped hoping. So I wished for a better life where true friends matters, not boyfriends or girlfriends. I made a note for adolescence out there that non-stop complaining about how hard their life is.

For all friends out there,

How have you been? I know some of you are having hard times. But think again, it's not that hard. You have your friends, supporting you no matter what you do. Some of you thinks your love life sucks. When you broke up with him, you cried, you felt like you've lost a part of your life. There's always reasons why things happen. Sure, you broke up with him. But that doesn't mean it's the end of your life. Maybe the reason you broke up with him is because God is setting you up with a better guy or girl. So chin up, forget the past and move on.

Ctrl + Delete

As you can see, I deleted my fictional story. I'll continue with my story much much more later. It's been weeks since my last entry. I've been through life's ups and downs lately.

Love life sucks when you ended breaking up with him. I was single. But then I see those happy couples and I realize how I miss my love life. I found someone to love. Not quite a dream guy, still loves me as I am. Time is gold, cherish it.

Life's easier if it was a movie. But there's difference. Movies end, life's don't until you reach your death. Life's a reality. Sometimes you're a star, but sometimes you're ditched, deep down the darkest alley. One had spoken, don't play with the fire, or you'll get hurt. Life do sucks, everytime. Just gotta learn how to put sunshine in it.

Au revoir, March.